T0 BE WiTH ME...

T0 BE WiTH ME iS N0T 0NE 0F THE EASiEST THiNGS iN THE W0RLD. i MEAN i D0NT JUST LET ANY0NE iN MY HEART ANYM0RE. i D0NT JUST LET ANY0NE BE MY NUMBER 0NE WiTH0UT ANY W0RK.

Y0U G0TTA W0RK Y0USELF iNT0 MY HEART THAN Y0U HAVE T0 W0RK && iMPRESS MY THREE B0YS. CHRiS, MARK && Ki0N. THE BEST FREND, THE BABY/L0VE 0F MY LiFE, && THE LiL BR0. THEY ARE C00L AND CHiLL BUT iF Y0U FUCK UP WiTH ME Y0U HAVE MY B0YS 0N Y0UR BACK LiKE W0AH. THEY ARE ALL i NEED, THEY ARE ALL i WANT.

MiSTAKES

WE'RE ALL HUMAN.WE ALL MAKE MiSTAKES.YA WE MAY N0T ADMiT iTS 0UR FAULT BUT iN THE END iT iS.BECAUSE Y0UR THE 0NE THAT MAKES Y0UR 0WN DECiSi0NS.Y0U ARE THE 0NE THAT HAS THE P0WER T0 iNT0XiC Y0URSELF,THUS iMPAiRiNG Y0UR JUDGEMENT.Y0URE FRiENDS.Y0U CH0SE WH0 T0 BE WiTH.BUT WHAT i'M TRYiNG T0 GET AT iS WE ARE ALL MAKiN MiSTAKES.S0 F0RGiVE JUST LiKE Y0U WANT 0THERS T0 D0 F0R Y0U.D0NT WALK AWAY CAUSE THATS WHEN Y0UR NEEDED THE M0ST. [[L0VE KATiE BABYYY]] <3

SETTLiNG...

i D0NT KN0W WHAT i WANT ANYM0RE. i FEEL LiKE i'M JUST SETTLiNG F0R WHAT i'VE BEEN GiVEN. i D0NT WANNA SETTLE i WANNA BE ABLE T0 BE WiTH S0ME0NE THAT I FULLY WANNA BE WiTH i'M N0T SEC0ND GUESSiN. i'M N0T HiDiN FR0M MY FRiENDS THAT i'M TALKiN T0 THEM. i JUST WANNA BE ABLE T0 TELL THE W0RLD "THiS iS MY MAN BE JEAL0US. HE C0MES H0ME T0 ME && 0NLY ME. Y0U WiLL NEVER GET THE CHANCE T0 BE WiTH HiM CAUSE i L0VE HiM && HE L0VES ME. WE ST00D UP iNFR0NT 0F 0UR FRiENDS && MADE A V0W T0 EACH 0THER T0 BE T0GETHER F0REVER, BUT F0REVER JUST iSNT EN0UGH TiME WiTH EACH 0THER." WiTH ALL THAT SAiD AND THE WH0LE TiME i WAS WRiTiNG THAT i WAS THiNKiNG 0F MARK....

i'M JUST N0T SURE...

i'M JUST N0T QUiTE SURE ANYM0RE. MY HEART HURTS. WHEN MY PH0NE RiNGS. i SMiLE. BUT i JUST D0NT KN0W. Y0U CALL ME && i GET NERV0US. i D0NT KN0W WHAT T0 SAY T0 Y0U ANYM0RE. THiNGS DEFiNATELY ARENT THE SAME ANYM0RE. THEY NEVER WiLL BE. iN THE BACK 0F MY MiND EVERYTHiNG THAT Y0U'VE D0NE T0 ME REPLAYS iN MY MiND LiKE AN 0LD M0ViE. BUT i JUST D0NT KN0W.. MY HEAD TELLS ME T0 ST0P ANSWERiNG Y0UR PH0NE CALLS AND PUT 0N MY BL0CK LiST. BUT EVERY TiME i D0 THAT, Y0U CALL ME && i JUST TAKE Y0U BACK 0FF. AS MUCH AS i TRY i CANT ST0P TALKiN T0 Y0U. BUT MY HEART HURTS S0 MUCH AFTER THE THiNGS Y0U'VE D0NE SAiD. i CANT ST0P 0VER ANALAYZiNG THiNGS THAT Y0U SAY. 0R D0. i CANT ST0P THiNKiNG AB0UT Y0U. i JUST D0NT KN0W. WHAT AM i SUPP0SE T0 D0. i JUST D0NT KN0W...

THEN 0N THE 0THER SiDE DALE WANTS T0 TALK AB0UT US. WHAT'S G0iNG 0N. WHAT THiS iS ALL AB0UT. HE WANTS T0 DiSCUSS 0UR FUTURE. T0NiGHT HE WAS STARTiNG T0 SAY THiNGS. i KN0W EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS SAYiN AND WANTED T0 SAY BUT i PUSHED iT iN THE BACK 0F MY HEAD. BECAUSE i REALLY HAVENT C0ME T0 TERMS 0F WHAT i WANT 0UT'VE LiFE 0R WHAT T0 D0.

0NE HE SAiD THAT HE WAS SUPP0SE T0 BE ENGAGED. i KN0W FR0M THE EPHASiZiNG THAT iT WAS HiM && i. THE SEC0ND TiME AR0UND. THAT THiNGS WERE SUPP0SE T0 BE PERMANENT. BUT i CH0SE S0ME0NE ELSE. i KNEW THAT i WAS SUPP0SE T0 BE THE FiANCE iN HiS LiFE.

THEN AN0THER 0NE WAS HiM WAKiN UP AND R0LLiNG 0VER. THAT WAS SAYiNG THAT HE WANTED T0 R0LL 0VER iN THE M0RNiNG NEXT T0 ME. HE WANTED T0 FALL ASLEEP AND WAKE ME NEXT T0 ME. THAT HE WANTED T0 BE ABLE T0 G0 T0 SLEEP KN0WiNG THAT i WAS RiGHT NEXT T0 HiM && WHEN HE W0KE UP THAT i WAS STiLL G0iNG T0 BE THERE. HE C0ULD PUT HiS ARMS AR0UND ME, HE C0ULD H0LD ME ANYTiME HE WANTED.

i KN0W THESE ARE THE THiNGS THAT HE WANTED T0 TALK AB0UT. BUT i CANT TALK AB0UT ALL 0F TH0SE THiNGS RiGHT N0W BECAUSE i'M STiLL S0 BR0KEN. i'M STiLL S0 HURT. i D0NT KN0W WHAT T0 D0 0R SAY ANYM0RE. i'M JUST S0 HURT, i'M STiLL S0 MADLY iN L0VE WiTH S0ME0NE ELSE. BUT WHAT i D0NT UNDERSTAND iS THE FACT THAT DALE iS MY FiRST L0VE, THAN WHY AM i STRUGGLiNG WiTH SHiT 0VER S0ME0NE ELSE YA KN0W?

0NE LAST....

THERES 0NE LAST G00D BYE i WANT T0 SAY. BUT iM SAD T0 SAY i D0NT THiNK THAT iTS G0iN T0 HAPPEN 0R iTS G0iN T0 BE P0SSiBLE. i KN0W THAT Y0U CALLED ME A FEW DAYS AG0. BUT i WR0TE Y0U A MSG WiTH ALL 0F MY HEART P0URED iNT0. BUT iT DiDNT REALLY SEEM T0 PHASE Y0U. S0 iF MY FEELiNGS DiDNT PHASE Y0U THAN i GUESS iT D0ESNT REALLY MATTER. i'LL JUST G0 0N MY WAY WiTH THE HAPPY TH0UGHTS THAT i SAiD SEE Y0U LATER 0R TALK T0 Y0U S00N T0 TH0SE WH0 TRULY MATTER. CAUSE i'M N0T G0iN T0 MAKE AN EFF0RT T0 SAY G00D BYE T0 S0ME0NE THAT'S N0 EVEN WiLLiNG T0 AKN0WLEDGE ME. 0R EVEN CARE T0 MEET ME HALF WAY ANYM0RE.

i PUT Y0U T0 HiGH 0N A PETAST00L T0 HAVE SHiT THR0WN iN MY FACE. i CH0SE Y0U. i CH0SE T0 BE WiTH Y0U. i CH0SE T0 GiVE Y0U MY TiME. BUT iTS WHATEVER. iT D0NT MATTA. CAUSE i KN0W WHERE i STAND. WiTH Y0UR FANCY W0RDS. && Y0UR PLAYED 0UT LiNES.

G00D BYES

G00D BYES ARE 0NE 0F THE HARDEST THiNGS T0 D0. iTS HARD T0 SAY G00D BYE T0 S0ME0NE WH0 MEANS S0 MUCH T0 Y0U, && HAVE T0 WALK AWAY FR0M THEM. KN0WiNG WHEN Y0U TURN AR0UND T0 SEE THEM iTS F0R THE BEST. THERE'S N0THiNG THAT Y0U CAN CHANGE. THiNGS ARE HAPPENiN F0R A REAS0N, Y0U CAN TRY Y0UR HARDEST T0 ALTER THEM. BUT WHEN G0D HAS WEAVED Y0UR DESTiNY THERE iS N0 TURNiNG BACK. THERE iS N0 ADDiNG 0R SUBTRACTiNG. THERE'S JUST Y0U MAKE DECiSi0NS G0D JUST ADDS THE FLAV0R, THE PUNCH THE DESTiNATi0N.

Y0U HAVE T0 SAY G00D BYE T0 TH0SE Y0U L0VE. MAYBE S0ME0NE Y0U L0VE WiTH ALL Y0UR HEART ALL THAT Y0U ARE. Y0U HAVE T0 TURN AWAY WALK AWAY FR0M THEM. Y0U G0TTA ACT LiKE iTS N0THiN THAT iT D0ESNT HURT BUT Y0U KN0W DAMN WELL THAT'S A LiE CAUSE Y0U HAVE TEARS FL0W FR0M Y0UR EYES. Y0UR HEART HURTiNG. BLEEDiNG EVEN.

Y0U HAVE T0 SAY G00D BYE T0 Y0UR BEST FRiEND. Y0U HAVE T0 M0VE 0R MAY iTS JUST F0R THE BEST THAT Y0U G0 Y0UR SEPARATE WAYS. EiTHER WAY THAT PERS0N iS CL0SE THEY KN0W AL0T AB0UT Y0U.

F0R ME. i KN0W F0R A FACT THAT YES TEALE iS MY BEST FRiEND. BUT DALE i'VE KN0W F0R TW0 YEARS. i'VE BEEN 0N & 0FF WiTH HiM. i L0VE HiM ALWAYS HAVE 0R WE W0ULDN'T BE G0iN THR0UGH THESE CiRCLES THAT WE KEEP PUTTiNG 0URSELF iN. T0NiGHT WE DiDNT SAY G00D BYE. WE DiDNT SAY SEE Y0U LATER. i HALF HUGGED HiM. THAN i FULLY HUGGED HiM. THAN i HUGGED HiM TiGHT && NEVER WANTED T0 LET G0. BUT i KNEW THAT i HAD T0. i KNEW THAT EVEN TH0UGH HE HAD 0NE ARM AR0UND ME AND WAS HALF HUGGiNG ME THAT HE DiD N0T WANNA LET G0 EiTHER. WE WANTED T0 F0REVER STAY iN EACH 0THERS ARMS.

LEARNiNG....

LEARNiNG WiTH EACH DAY THAT G0ES BY i SH0ULDNT LET LiTTLE THiNGS B0THER ME. i MEAN PE0PLE HAVE BEEN CALLiNG ME NAMES. CALLiNG ME 0UT'VE MY NAME F0R YEARS. BUT i D0NT CARE ANYM0RE CALL ME WHAT Y0U WANT. CAUSE AT THE END 0F THE DAY i KN0W WH0 i AM, i KN0W WHAT i AM. MY FRiENDS KN0W ME && TH0SE ARE THE 0NES THAT i SURR0UND MYSELF WiTH. YA i'M CRAZY. i'M L0UD. i SAY WHATEVER C0MES T0 MY MiND WiTH0UT THiNKiNG AB0UT iT. i LiVE LiKE T0MMR0W iS MY LAST. i'M N0T PERFECT i HAVE MY 0FF DAYS. YA i CAN C0ME 0FF AS A BiTCH T0 PE0PLE BUT HEY, THAT JUST SH0WS THAT Y0U D0NT KN0W ME LiKE Y0U THiNK Y0U KN0W ME. 0R Y0U JUST D0NT KN0W ME AT ALL. S0 i'M LEARNiN DAY BY DAY WiTH THiNGS G0iN 0N iN MY LiFE...

HM....

&& iM GLAD THAT THiNGS WENT THE WAY THEY WENT. AS MUCH AS i MiSS Y0U && AS MUCH AS i L0VE Y0U. i WAS HURTiNG Y0U S0 MUCH THAT i WASNT EVEN REALiZiNG iT. 0R EVEN CARiNG. i CAME T0 THE REALiZATi0N THiS M0RNiNG THAT i'M GLAD THAT TEALE DiD STEP iN BECAUSE SHE WAS THE 0NE THAT SAVED Y0U FR0M ME. SHE ST00D UP F0R Y0U WHEN Y0U WERE AT Y0UR WEAKEST. && i WAS JUST MAKiN iT W0RSE. SHE ST00D UP F0R Y0U LiKE i'VE NEVER ST00D UP F0R Y0U BEF0RE. ALL i WAS D0iN WAS HURTiNG Y0U WiTH MY 0WN SELFiSH ACTS. i DiDNT CARE AB0UT H0W THE THiNGS i SAiD 0R DiD EFFECTED Y0U. i JUST PLAYED 0N THE FACT THAT i KNEW Y0U WERE ALWAYS G0iN T0 BE THERE WHEN i NEEDED S0METHiNG T0 FALL BACK 0N. && i'M S0RRY F0R THAT & i KN0W Y0U KN0W THAT iM S0RRY EVEN WHEN i D0NT SH0W iT.

MR. 0iNKESTER-- i HAVE T0 REALiZE THAT Y0U WANT ME iN Y0UR LiFE. CAUSE iF Y0U DiDNT CARE AB0UT ME, iF Y0U DiDNT L0VE ME THAN WE'D BE D0NE. WE W0ULD TALK WE W0ULD HANG 0UT. WHATEVER. BUT WE B0TH WANT EACH 0THER iN 0UR LiVES EVEN iF iT'S JUST FRiENDS. EVEN TH0UGH i KN0W DEEP D0WN iN B0TH 0F HEARTS THAT WE B0TH WANT THiNGS T0 W0RK 0UT iN 0UR FRiENDSHiP T0 LATER MAKE A BETTER RELATi0NSHiP iF && WE D0 GET BACK T0GETHER.

i MEAN i N0W KN0W H0W HARD iT WAS F0R BiANCA T0 BE FRiENDS WiTH ME. WHEN Y0U L0VE S0ME0NE S0 MUCH THAT Y0U'LL D0 ANYTHiNG. iT SUCKS T0 BE iNTR0DUCED AS MY EX GiRLFRiEND BUT MY BEST FRiEND. TH0SE W0RDS ARE LiKE A STAB iN THE HEART. iT'S HARD T0 BE iNTR0DUCED T0 Y0UR NEW GiRL. THE 0NE THAT Y0UR CH0SiN T0 SPEND Y0UR TiME WiTH. JUST D0NT HAVE ME H0LDiNG 0N F0R TW0 L0NG... PLEASE

BEEN THiNKiN...

S0 i HAD TiME T0 THiNK AB0UT EVERYTHiNG && iTS STARTiNG T0 MAKE SENSE. i MEAN Y0U W0ULD CALL ME ALL THE TiME iF Y0U DiDNT CARE AB0UT ME, iF Y0U DiDNT L0VE ME. Y0U W0ULD HAVE A TATT00 SiMiLAR T0 MiNE. ALWAYS THiNKiNG AB0UT ME WHEN Y0U L00K AT iT.

i UNDERSTAND THAT Y0U WANNA BE FRiENDS. N0T BE iN A RELATi0NSHiP. WE ARE BEST FRiENDS. i MEAN WE WERE T0GETHER F0R 7 M0NTHS THATS HALF A YEAR && A M0NTH. THAT'S MY L0NGEST RUNNiN RELATi0NSHiP T0 DATE. i L0VE Y0U THERE'S N0 QUESTi0N THAT 0R D0UBTiN THAT. THATS WHY i'M FiGHT S0 HARD WiTH FRiENDS FAMiLY && EVERY0N ELSE. i WANT Y0U T0 BE iN MY LiFE. i WANT T0 BE ABLE T0 CALL Y0U CAUSE i MiSS Y0U. i WANT T0 BE ABLE T0 KN0W WHAT'S G0iN 0N iN Y0UR LiFE & BE A PART 0F Y0UR LiFE. Y0U D0 KN0W ME WELL BUT i D0NT KN0W Y0U D0NT KN0W AS WELL AS DALE STiLL. CAUSE HE'S KN0W ME F0R TW0 YEARS && i D0NT KN0W.

i D0 KN0W, THAT i D0 GET Y0U && UNDERSTAND Y0U i JUST UNDERSTAND S0ME 0F THE THiNGS THAT Y0U D0. i D0NT UNDERSTAND ALL 0F THE DECiSi0NS Y0U MAKE. BUT D0ES ANY0NE UNDERSTAND S0ME0NE C0MPLETELY.

i GET THAT Y0UR TRYNA GET THiNGS BACK T0GETHER, BACK BEF0RE EVERYTHiNG HAPPENED. AFTER Y0U G0T 0UT iN 0CT0BER THiNGS WERE JUST DiFFERENT F0R Y0U. i WAS THERE F0R Y0U, JUST LiKE i WiLL ALWAYS BE THERE F0R Y0U. iN L0VE iN SUPP0RT iN EVERYTHiNG. i TRUST G0D THAT HE W0NT LET ME D0WN. THAT ME FEELiNG THiS WAY AB0UT Y0U N0W, iS EiTHER G0iNG T0 HAVE US T0GETHER AGAiN 0NCE WE B0TH HAVE EVERYTHiNG T0GETHER. 0R TEACH US THAT Y0U LET ME G0, && Y0UR JUST G0iN T0 REGRET iT.

S0METHiNG THAT'S STiLL 0N MY MiND iS WHY DiD WE SPEND THREE DAYS T0GETHER. i G0 T0 A PARTY && Y0U HAVE A NEW GiRL. Y0U NEVER MENTi0NED THAT Y0U WERE TALKiN T0 S0ME0NE NEW. THAT iS A KEY C0MP0NENT. i MEAN WE SPEND THREE DAYS T0GETHER LiKE WE USE T0. Y0U KiSSED ME T0 WAKE ME UP. Y0U HELD ME CL0SE WHEN WE FALL ASLEEP. Y0U REPEATEDLY KEEP TELLiNG ME THAT Y0U L0VE ME. BUT Y0UR REAS0NiN iS THAT WE B0TH NEED T0 GET EVERYTHiNG T0GETHER & THAT i WAS ACTiNG WHEN i BLEW UP 0N Y0U. i JUST D0NT C0MPLETELY UNDERSTAND. i GUESS MAYBE iTS L0VE THAT T00K 0VER && TH0SE THREE DAYS WERE JUST A REViSE 0F THE PAST. THAT'S ALL THEY WiLL BE.

AS F0R ME BL0WiNG UP 0N Y0U THE WAY i DiD 0N SATURDAY NiGHT. THAT WAS ME. THAT MiGHT N0T BE THE ME Y0U KN0W. Y0U NEVER REALLY TRULY SEEN ME MAD. 0NLY PERS0N THAT HAS WAS DALE. && THAT'S WHEN HE && i WERE YELLiNG AT EACH 0THER THR0WiNG PUNCHES. MAD AS HELL. i HAVE A TEMPER BUT S0ME PE0PLE THiNK THAT THEY HAVE SEEN iT. BUT N0 0NE PERS0N HAS TRULY SEEN iT, & THATS DALE. CAUSE WHEN i'M TRULY MAD WHEN i'M THAT PiSSED iTS USUALLY ME SiTTiNG THERE FiGHTiNG F0R L0VE. iT'S BE S0 UPSET THAT i BL0W UP, THAT i'M YELLiN AND SCREAMiNG. PE0PLE SEE ME AS CRAZY THAT'S FiNE BUT THEY D0NT KN0W ME. THEY CAN THiNK WHAT THEY WANT T0 THiNK 0F ME. CAUSE i KN0W WH0 ME iS Y0U KN0W WH0 ME iS. MY FRiENDS KN0W WH0 ME iS. i D0NT CARE WHAT PE0PLE THiNK 0F ME CAUSE THEY D0NT KN0W ME.

S0 i GUESS THiS FiGHT F0R L0VE iS 0VER. i D0NT KN0W WHAT THE FUTURE H0LDS. BUT i D0 KN0W THAT i STiLL EVERY NiGHT FALL ASLEEP && Y0UR STiLL iN MY DREAMS. THEY ALWAYS END UP WiTH US T0GETHER. S0ME WHERE WERE MARRiED S0ME WHERE WERE N0T. BUT i KN0W THAT i L0VE Y0U && i D0NT WANT T0 ST0P L0ViNG Y0U. i JUST WANT MY LiFE T0 GET STR0NGER F0R Y0U WiTH EVERY BREATHE THAT i TAKE. i KN0W THAT i STiLL SEE A FUTURE F0R US. THAT i STiLL SEE US T0GETHER AGAiN. i SEE US MARRiED && HAPPY WiTH A FAMiLY THAT iNCLUDES Y0UR DAUGHTER. i JUST WANNA L0VE Y0U WiTH N0 HEARTACHE && N0 DRAMA.

BUT i FEAR THE WAY THAT THiNGS ARE G0iN AS 0F RiGHT N0W THAT WHAT i WANT WiLL NEVER HAPPEN. THAT Y0UR ALWAYS G0iN T0 H0P FR0M GiRL T0 GiRL. Y0U'LL ALWAYS HAVE A GiRLFRiEND. iF i D0 C0ME BACK && Y0UR HERE. 0R WHERE Y0U ARE. Y0UR G0NNA HAVE S0ME0NE BY Y0UR SiDE. THAT PERS0N iSN'T G0iNG T0 BE ME. THAT Y0UR G0NNA MARRY S0ME0NE ELSE. THAT S0ME0NE iS G0iN T0 TRULY TAKE MY PLACE. i N0W KN0W H0W BiANCA FEELS. CAUSE SHE L0VES Y0U i CAN SEE THAT, && iT'S HARD T0 SEE THE 0NE Y0U L0VE S0 MUCH WiTH S0ME0NE ELSE THAT'S N0T Y0U.

L0VE...

AFTER THESE LAST TW0 YEARS THAT i HAVE BEEN THR0UGH WiTH L0VE. WiTH THE DEFiNATE UP'S & D0WN'S 0F L0VE WiTH THESE TW0 GUYS. i NVR WANNA FALL iN L0VE AGAiN. N0T BECAUSE i L0VE THEM S0 MUCH THAT i D0NT WANT T0 FiND S0ME0NE ELSE & M0VE 0N WiTH MY LiFE. BUT BECAUSE i'VE SEEN WHAT iT'S D0NE T0 ME & THEM. i'VE SEEN H0W MUCH DRAMA iS CAUSES. H0W HARD iT iS T0 MAKE THE RiGHT DECiSi0N WHEN Y0UR iN L0VE WiTH TW0 PE0PLE.

i JUST D0NT THiNK THAT MY HEART CAN TAKE iT ANYM0RE. i JUST D0NT KN0W iF i SH0ULD LET PE0PLE iN ANYM0RE. i JUST REALLY D0NT KN0W AT THiS P0iNT AB0UT ANYTHiNG 0THER THAN WHY i L0VE && WHY i L0VE THEM.

i L0ST B0TH BATTLES. i L0ST 0NE BECAUSE i CH0SE S0ME0NE ELSE'S FRiENDSHiP 0VER W0RKiN THiNGS 0UT. WHiCH i SH0ULDA JUST STUCK WiTH BUT ME BEiNG ME i CH0SE THE LEFT SiDE iNSTEAD 0F THE RiGHT. && THAT'S WHY i'M STUCK iN THiS "BEST FRiEND" BULLSHiT. iT SEEMS THAT i CANT ST0P MAKiN TH0SE LEFT TURNS, i'M JUST STUCK iN THiS CiRCLE 0F L0VE. i WiSH i C0ULD GET 0UT BUT AT THE SAME TiME i D0NT. i JUST D0NT KN0W... I WiSH THiNGS WERE DiFFERENT. THAT THE LAST THREE DAYS MEANT S0METHiNG T0 HiM AS MUCH AS THEY DiD T0 ME.

i WiSH THAT ALL MY G00D BYES WERE G0NNA BE DiFFERENT THAN THE WAY THAT THEY ARE TURNiNG 0UT T0 BE N0W. BUT iF THiS iS THE WAY THAT i HAVE T0 SAY MY FiNAL G00D BYES BY N0T SAYiN G00D BYE S0 BE iT. iTS JUST THE WAY THiNGS TURNED 0UT T0 BE. THE WAY THEY HAVE T0 BE...

GLAD...

i'M GLAD THAT THiNGS ALWAYS C0ME D0WN T0 THiS. THAT iTS THE TW0 0F Y0U AGAiNST ME. THAT N0 0NE CAN STAY THE FUCK 0UT'VE EVERY0NE ELSE'S SHiT. BUT iT'S 0KAY. CAUSE F0R ALL i CARE ANYM0RE. 0H WAiT i D0NT CARE ANYM0RE.

CAUSE i D0NT AGREE WiTH SHiT YALL D0 0R THE PE0PLE Y0U HANG AR0UND 0R THE FRiENDS Y0U KEEP. BUT iF i KEEP S0ME0NE JUST AS A FRiEND iT BL0WS UP iNT0 EVERY0NE ST0P TALKiN C0MPLETELY && DELETiNG EACH 0THER. BUT THAT'S 0KAY. iT'S WHATEVER. SH0WS AL0T.

N0 MATTER WHAT HE PUT ME THR0UGH HE'S MY BEST FRiEND i CAN GET THR0UGH iT. BUT i SEE Y0UR iSSUES. BUT F0REAL iT WAS A DiSCUSSi0N THAT DiDNT iNV0LVE Y0U.

T0 PiSSED 0F T0 FiNiSH

H0W iS THAT...

H0W CAN iT BE WHEN i WAS WiTH MARK, i C0ULDN'T FiGURE 0UT WH0 i L0VED. WH0 i WANTED T0 SPEND THE REST 0F MY LiFE WiTH. F0R A MiNUTE i WAS STRUGGLiNG BETWEEN MARK & DALE. BUT THAN i DECiDED iT WAS G0iNG T0 BE MARK. BUT WE BR0KE UP && i WAS BACK 0N DALE.

BUT N0W WHEN i TALK T0 B0TH... THERE'S N0THiNG. MY HEART CL0SED 0FF FR0M L0VE AND FR0M FEELiNGS. iT'S BEEN A M0NTH SiNCE MARK & i BR0KE UP. i TALKED T0 HiM 0N THE PH0NE, i D0NT KN0W HE JUST MAKES ME NERV0US. HE MAKES ME SHAKE. iT FEELS LiKE WHEN HE USE T0 CALL ME BACK BEF0RE WE REALLY KNEW EACH 0THER.

BUT WHEN i SEE 0R TALK T0 DALE. iT'S LiKE. WE'RE JUST KiCKiN iT. i'LL JUST BE iN A FLiRTiN RELATi0NSHiP WiTH HiM. i JUST D0NT KN0W... i CANT BELiEVE THAT N0W MY LiFE HAS CHANGED. i D0NT SEE A FUTURE WiTH EiTHER 0F THEM. WELL AT LEAST iN A RELATi0NSHiP...

BLAH

Y0UR PH0NE CALLS....

Y0UR PH0NE CALLS. i D0NT KN0W. BUT WHEN i HEAR SUFF0CATE BY J H0LiDAY G0 0FF 0N MY PH0NE i FREEZE AND STAR AT MY PH0NE. i M0ST DEFiNATELY HESiTATE BEF0RE i ANSWER BUT i KN0W iN MY HEART AND MY HEAD THAT iMMA ANSWER THE PH0NE. i D0NT KN0W Y0U JUST HAVE THAT P0WER 0VER ME STiLL.

WHEN i ANSWER THE PH0NE i D0NT FEEL THE SAME WAY i USE T0. i FEEL NERV0US. LiKE THE FiRST TiME Y0U EVER CALLED ME. WE TALK AND SHiT JUST GETS i D0NT KN0W T0 EXPLAiN iT. BUT i N0W KN0W THAT Y0U MiSS ME. THAT Y0U STiLL THiNK 0F ME. BUT THE QUESTi0N iS AM i JUST S0ME0NE T0 TALK T0 0R D0 Y0U TRULY MiSS ME. i D0NT KN0W WHAT'S REAL 0R FAKE WiTH Y0U ANYM0RE.

i KN0W THAT i'M TiRED 0F CRYiNG THAT i'M TiRED 0F LYiNG AB0UT H0W i FEEL. i JUST D0NT KN0W... i D0NT KN0W Y0U THiNK THAT WERE STiLL FRiENDS. BUT i CANT BE JUST FRiENDS WiTH S0ME0NE THAT HURT ME AS MUCH AS Y0U DiD. Y0U WERE SH0CKED AS HELL T0 HEAR THAT i MiSSED Y0U. BUT i MEAN THAT'S THE WAY THiNGS ARE AND N0 0NE CAN CHANGE THEM.

Y0U WiSH THAT i G0T 0UT M0RE WHEN WE WERE T0GETHER BUT i REALLY DiDNT HAVE ANY0NE THAN BUT Y0U. i JUST D0NT KN0W. i KN0W F0R A FACT THAT THERE'S N0THiNG THAT C0ULD EVER HAPPEN BETWEEN US AGAiN CAUSE i CANT DEAL WiTH THAT. i CANT DEAL WiTH ALL 0F THAT AGAiN. i SAiD i W0ULD RiDE 0R DiE F0R Y0U. & i DiED. THE REAL ME. S0 i FULL FiLLED WHAT i SAiD i W0ULD D0. i JUST D0NT KN0W...

B0YY....

B0Y i'M BR0KE iNT0 S0 MANY PiECES. PiECES THAT Y0U CANN0T SEE. i'VE TRiED MY BEST T0 HiD THEM FR0M THE W0RLD AND FR0M Y0U BEHiND THiS FAKE SMiLE. i LAY AWAKE AT NiGHT FEELiNG MY CHEST FiLL WiTH PAiN. PAiN 0F THE MEM0RiES 0F S0ME0NE WH0 BR0KE MY HEAR AND NEVER SEEMED T0 CARE. i WiSH i C0ULD PUT ALL THESE PiECES T0GETHER AND FiX MYSELF S0 THAT i CAN BE WiTH Y0U WH0LE HEARTEDLY. BUT THiS iS ME N0 WHERE CL0SE T0 PERFECT. STRUGGLNG iN THiS BiG W0RLD TRYiNG T0 HiD iT.

WHYY...

WHY DiD i GiVE Y0U MY NEW NUMBER. THE REAS0N WHY i CHANGED iT WAS S0 i W0ULDNT HAVE Y0U iN MY LiFE ANYM0RE. WHY DiD i ASK A QUESTi0N AB0UT S0METHiNG i KNEW W0ULD HURT ME, WHEN Y0U T0LD ME THE ANSWER. WHY D0 i KEEP MAKiN MiSTAKES. WHY D0 i KEEP ANSWERiNG Y0UR PH0NE CALLS. WHY THE FUCK AM i STiLL S0 iN L0VE WiTH Y0U AFTER Y0U USE & ABUSED ME TiLL THERE WAS N0THiNG LEFT 0F ME. N0T EVEN A SMALL PART 0F ME.

i HAD T0 RESTART. FR0M SCRATCH. i HAD T0 REALiZE WH0 i WAS. i HAD T0 REREAD THiNGS THAT i WR0TE L0NG BEF0RE. i HAD T0 REiDENTiFY MYSELF. Y0U SH0ULDNT HAVE T0 D0 THiNGS LiKE THAT. BUT i DiD BECAUSE i FELL iNT0 THE TRAP 0F Y0U. i WiSH THAT i C0ULD GET SMART & ST0P FALLiNG iNT0 THiS TRAP. i MEAN WHY... JUST WHYY... WHY CANT i GET 0UT. WHY CANT i ST0P. WHY CANT i ST0P THE TEARS, THE HURT, THE PAiN, THE EVERYTHiNG THAT HAS T0 D0 WiTH Y0U. i JUST D0NT KN0W.

Y0U CHANGED ME. Y0U MAKE ME iNT0 S0ME0NE THAT N0 0NE EVER REC0NGNiZED. N0T EVEN THE PE0PLE WH0 KNEW ME THE BEST. i HATE THAT Y0UR 0N iN & ALL 0VER MY HEART. i CAN GET Y0U 0UT N0 MATTER H0W MUCH i TRY. i CANT FiGHT iT. i'M JUST T0 WEAK WHEN iT C0MES T0 Y0U... WHY... TH0UGH...

& i D0NT KN0W...

i D0NT KN0W H0W T0 FEEL. i MEAN i SAW Y0UR FRiEND. i KNEW S00N THAT Y0U'D BE N0T T0 FAR BEHiND. BUT MY MiND G0T DiSTRACTED. i DiDNT EVEN THiNK AB0UT iT. BUT 0F C0URSE i RAN iNT0 Y0U EVENTUALLY. i D0NT KN0W. i GET PANiC ATTACKS WHEN i THiNK 0F Y0U, 0R WHAT Y0U'VE PUT ME THR0UGH. BUT AT THE SAME TiME WHEN i TALKED T0 Y0U, WHEN i SAW Y0U. WHEN Y0U HUGGED ME. i DiDNT PANiC AT ALL. Y0U HELD ME iN Y0UR ARMS THE WAY Y0U USE T0. iT SEEMED LiKE Y0U DiDNT WANT T0 LET G0. Y0U HELD ME TiGHTLY. BUT i DiDNT FEEL THE SAME AS i USE T0. THE WAY i DiD A FEW M0NTHS AG0. iN MY HEART i L0VED Y0U. BUT i D0NT THiNK THAT i HAVE L0VE F0R Y0U. JUST L0VED Y0U. i MEAN i D0NT KN0W H0W iF i L0VED Y0U THAT i C0ULD JUST BE THE WAY i AM. S0 FAR D0NE. S0 FAR BEY0ND WHERE i USE T0 BE. BUT HEART D0ESNT ACHE WHEN i SEE Y0U. BUT AT THE SAME TiME i JUST D0NT KN0W. i D0NT KN0W H0W T0 FEEL AB0UT SEEiNG Y0U. i D0NT KN0W H0W i FEEL AB0UT Y0U. BUT i D0 KN0W THAT i HAVE MY FUTURE AHEAD 0F Y0U... Y0U T0LD ME T0 CALL Y0U WHENEVER. BUT i SEE N0 P0iNT iN CALLiN Y0U, JUST T0 CLEAR THiNGS UP.

i CAN TELL FR0M THAT HUG & THE WAY Y0U L00KED AT ME THAT Y0U DiD 0R D0 MiSS ME. BUT ALL Y0UR 0THER FRiENDS WERE JUST i D0NT KN0W. THEY ST00D BACK. THEY KNEW THAT iT WAS A CATi0US SiTUATi0N. MY FRiENDS WERE 0N THE PH0NE YELLiNG iN MY EAR T0 TELL ME T0 TELL Y0U T0 G0 AWAY. THAT i WANTED N0THiNG T0 D0 WiTH Y0U. BUT i HAVE T0 D0 ME. i HAVE T0 HANDLE THiS iS MY 0WN WAY. N0 WHAT iF'S N0 iF'S N0 ANDS N0 BUTS. THiS iS ME, i HAVE PE0PLE STANDiNG BEHiND ME BUT THEY CANT MAKE MY DECiSi0NS F0R ME. iF i WANTED T0 i C0ULD KEEP Y0U AS A FRiEND. BUT i D0NT iF THAT'S P0SSiBLE ANYM0RE. CAUSE i CANT EVEN REMEMBER THE G00D TiMES WE HAD ANYM0RE. i 0NLY REMEMBER THE BAD... i JUST D0NT KN0W...

N0 MATTER WHAT...

N0 MATTER WHAT iS SAiD D0NE T0LD. Y0U'LL ALWAYS BE A PART 0F ME. Y0U'LL ALWAYS BE iN MY HEART. Y0UR THE 0NE THAT i CAN GET 0UT'VE MY HEART N0 MATTER H0W HARD i TRiED. i JUST CANT GET Y0U 0UT. Y0UR LiKE A HUSBAND, A BABY DADDY. i D0NT WANT Y0U 0UT'VE MY LiFE. iVE HAD Y0U 0UT'VE MY LiFE F0R F0UR M0NTHS. i CANT HAVE Y0U 0UT AGAiN. i 0FTEN SiT AND W0NDER WHAT 0UR STATUS W0ULD BE AT 0UR 10 0R 20 YEAR REUNi0N. WiLL WE BE MARRiED, WiLL WE BE T0GETHER. WiLL WE JUST BE REALLY G00D FRiENDS. i D0NT KN0W 0NLY TiME WiLL TELL.

i L0VE Y0U. S0METiMES i FEEL LiKE i D0NT DESERVE T0 BE L0VED BY Y0U. 0R CARED AB0UT BY Y0U. Y0UR THE 0NE THAT i HURT S0 BAD. iT MAKES MY CRY EVERYTiME i THiNK AB0UT iT. i WiSH THAT iNSTEAD 0F BEiNG THE 0NE THAT HURT Y0U, 0R 0NE 0F THE MANY THAT HURT Y0U. i C0ULD TAKE AWAY ALL 0F Y0UR PAiN. i WiSH THAT ME SACRiFiCiNG MYSELF, MAKiNG iT THAT i SPEND THE REST 0F MY LiFE BY MYSELF. JUST ME. WiTH KN0WiNG THAT Y0U WERE HAPPiLY MARRiED. THAT Y0U FiNALLY F0UND A GiRL THAT TREATS Y0U G00D. THAT TREATS Y0U RiGHT.

T0DAY i T0LD Y0U HEARTBREAKiNG NEWS. THAT i NEVER WANTED T0 TELL Y0U, i WiSH THAT i WASNT F0RCED T0 TELL Y0U AR0UND EVERY0NE. i WiSH THAT i HAD JUST T0LD Y0U 0VER THE PH0NE THE NiGHT BEF0RE. BUT i M0STLY WiSH THAT i DiDNT HAVE T0 BE THE 0NE T0 TELL Y0U THAT. BUT i WAS. TEALE SENT ME 0UT T0 BE THE 0NE T0 TALK T0 Y0U T0 C0MF0RT Y0U. BUT THERE WASN'T i C0ULD SAY. i C0ULDN'T SAY THAT Y0UR THE BEST Y0U D0NT DESERVE A CHEATER. WELL Y0U D0 DESERVE THE BEST. BUT i CANT SAY CHEATiNG iS THE W0RSE THiNG Y0U CAN D0. THERE WERE JUST MANY THiNGS i WANT T0 SAY T0 Y0U BUT i C0ULDNT BECAUSE i DiD TH0SE THiNGS T0 Y0U. i FEEL i FAiLED AS Y0UR FRiENDS, AS Y0UR BEST FRiENDS. i FAiLED AS Y0UR RiDE 0R DiE. i D0NT KN0W... THAT'S JUST ME...

THiS iS THE NEW ME...

MY LiFE iT'S BEEN A W0RK iN PR0GRESS SiNCE THE DAY MARK BR0KE UP WiTH ME. i TH0UGHT THAT MY LiFE WAS 0VER THAT DAY. THAT i HAD N0THiNG T0 LiVE F0R. THAT N0 0NE CARED AB0UT ME. i WAS AL0NE. AFTER i L0ST HiM, i L0ST EVERYTHiNG. iT'S BEEN A M0NTH N0W. A M0NTH AND S0ME CHANGE. i D0NT WHY i WAS S0 SURPRiSED AND SH0CKED THAT HE BR0KE UP WiTH ME. i MEAN iN MY HEART. DEEP iN MY HEART i KNEW THAT THiNGS WERE TURNiNG F0R THE W0RST. i MEAN HE PUT ME THR0UGH S0 MUCH MENTALLY. PHYSiCALLY. && EM0Ti0NALLY. SiNCE HE G0T L0CKED UP. i DiDNT KN0W WHAT i WANTED T0 D0. iF i WANTED T0 WALK AWAY 0R STAY. N0 MATTER H0W MANY TiMES i WANTED T0 WALK AWAY. i W0ULD START T0 WALK AWAY BUT THERE WAS THiS F0RCE FiELD. THERE WAS S0METHiNG TiED T0 ME THAT JUST W0ULDN'T LET ME WALK AWAY. S0 i WAS STUCK. i WAS STUCK HALF iN THE D00R & HALF 0UT'VE THE D00R. THE 0NLY WAY i WAS G0iNG T0 GET 0UT ALiVE. WAS F0R HiM T0 BREAK iT 0FF. F0R HiM T0 BE THE 0NE T0 END THiNGS. N0W THAT i L00K BACK i'M GLAD THAT HE ENDED THiNGS THE WAY HE DiD. HE BR0KE UP WiTH ME AND JUST ST0PPED TALKiNG T0. i FiNALLY G0T iT. THAT iT WAS 0VER. i MEAN ME. i'LL SAY iMMA D0 THiS. BUT WHEN iT C0ME T0 MATTERS 0F THE HEART. i CAN C0NTR0L MY ACTi0NS. i'M JUST UNDER A SPELL. THAT CAN BE A G00D THiNG 0R A BAD. iT JUST ALL DEPENDS. i MEAN HE CALLED ME FEW DAYS AFTER. i SH0ULDVE HAD THE WiLL P0WER T0 N0T ANSWER THE PH0NE. BUT i DiD. THAT WAS MY CL0SURE. i MEAN EVEN iF HE CALLS ME. i'LL M0RE THAN LiKELY STiLL PiCK UP THE PH0NE, BUT WiTH TiME. SL0W WiTH TiME i WiLL BE ABLE T0 ANSWER THAT PH0NE KN0WiNG THAT HE'S N0THiNG T0 ME. HE TREATED ME LiKE DiRT. i WAS THERE WHEN HE NEEDED S0ME0NE 0R NEED S0METHiNG. i D0NT KN0W iF HE WHEN HE SAiD HE L0VED ME iF HE TRULY MEANT iT. BUT i KN0W THAT i GAVE iT MY ALL. THAT i L0VED HiM WiTH EVERYTHiNG i WAS, AND WH0 i WAS.

BUT N0W. i L00K BACK AT REALiZE iT ALL. THAT i WASN'T ALONE. i HAD MY FRiENDS THE WH0LE TiME. i MAY FEEL AL0NE iN THiS W0RLD BEiNG SiNGLE. N0T HAViNG S0ME0NE CALL ME EVERY NiGHT. N0T HAViNG S0ME0NE TELL ME THEY L0VE ME. i KN0W MY FRiENDS L0VE ME. i KN0W THE DALE L0VES ME. N0 MATTER H0W MUCH i'VE CHANGE. 0R WHAT i SAY 0R D0 T0 HiM. i D0NT UNDERSTAND WHY. BUT i D0. CAUSE HE L0VES CAUSE HE CAN'T C0NTR0L HiS HEART JUST LiKE i CANT C0NTR0L MiNE.

i'M GLAD T0 ME AGAiN. N0T THE 0LD ME 0F C0URSE. BUT THE NEW & iMPR0VED M0ST DEFiNATELY. i D0NT 0VER ANALYiZE THiNGS. i D0NT NEED T0. CAUSE iF S0METHiNG iS MEANT T0 HAPPEN THEN iT WiLL. iF S0ME0NE NEEDS ME THEY KN0W WHERE i AM. iF i FEEL SAiD & DALE TXT ME. i KN0W THAT i CR0SSED HiS MiND. & THAT'S EN0UGH F0R ME. JUST T0 KN0W THAT i CR0SSED HiS MiND. JUST LiKE HE CR0SSES MiNE.

0VER 7 M0NTHS i GRADUALLY BECAME THiS PERS0N. i D0NT EVEN KN0W WH0. SUKi. THiS GiRL THAT TH0UGHT N0THiNG C0ULD T0UCH HER. THAT ALL SHE NEED WAS A MAN. SHE DiDNT NEED FRiENDS. HiS FRiENDS WERE HER FRiENDS. SHE DiDNT NEED ANY0NE BUT HiM. SHE TH0UGHT THAT SHE WAS iNDEPENDENT BUT SHE WASNT AT ALL. EVERY TiME S0ME0NE CALLED HER S0METHiNG 0R DiD S0METHiNG T0 HER. SHE W0ULD RUN RiGHT T0 HiM 0R CALL HiM. THiS GiRL WAS THE BiGGEST BiTCH T0 ANY0NE & EVERY0NE. SHE Did WHAT SHE WANTED, SHE SAiD WHATEVER SHE WANTED. SHE TH0UGHT THAT N0 MATTER WHAT SHE C0ULD HiDE BEHiND HiM. THiS GiRL THAT W0ULD GET MAD AT EVERY LiTTLE THiNG. THAT SHE WANTED T0 START AN ARGUEMENT WiTH 0THER PE0PLE. BUT ALWAYS HiD SHiT. Y0U KN0W.

THAT'S SUKi. i'M KATiE. i W0RKED 0N MY ANGER PR0BLEMS. i D0NT FREAK 0UT AT JUST ANYTHiNG. 0NLY A FEW PE0PLE KN0W WHAT BUTT0NS T0 PRESS. THEY D0NT D0 THAT. CAUSE THEY KN0W BETTER. CAUSE TH0SE WH0 D0 KN0W WHiCH BUTT0NS T0 PRESS ARE THE 0NES THAT CALM ME D0WN. KN0W WHAT T0 SAY. THE 0NES THAT D0NT GiVE ME PANiC ATTACKS JUST THE SiGHT 0R TH0UGHT 0F THEM. i D0NT SHiT FR0M ANY0NE ANYM0RE. SAY WHAT Y0U WANNA SAY. iT'S LiKE A BiCK WALL 0VER HERE. CAUSE iT MAY AFFECT ME BUT i'M G0NNA SAY N0THiNG BACK ANYM0RE. i'LL JUST SiT THERE CAUSE iF i D0 iT'LL JUST BE FEEDiNG iNT0 Y0UR DRAMA FiLLED BULLSHiT. i G0 HARD 0R G0 H0ME. i'D RATHER G0 H0ME THAN DEAL WiTH M0RE SHiT THAN i HAVE T0. G0 HARD. MEANS T0 PUT UP FiGHT F0R WHAT i WANT. N0T LET ALL THESE PE0PLE GET ME D0WN, GET ME S0 FAR D0WN iN THE DiRT THAT THEY CAN JUST RUB MY FACE iN iT. N0PE THAT'S N0T ME ANYM0RE. i W0RRY AB0UT ME 0NLY ME. i AM MY 0WN PERS0N. YEA i W0RRY AB0UT MY FRiENDS 0F C0URSE. BUT i'M N0T G0NNA BE ALL UP iN THEiR FACE WHERE Y0U WHAT ARE Y0U D0iN WH0 Y0U WiTH. NAW i'MMA FALL BACK. W0RRY AB0UT MYSELF. GET MYSELF T0GETHER THAN W0RRY AB0UT THEM. i CAN STAND 0N MY 0WN. i D0NT HAVE T0 FEED 0FF 0THER PE0PLES ENERGY. i CAN FiGHT 0WN BATTLES BUT KN0W THAT iF i D0 NEED HELP THAT MY FAM iS RiGHT BESiDE ME. CAUSE iF THEY WERE BEHiND ME THAN THEY'D BE D0iN N0THiNG BUT WATCHiNG. && THAT'S DEFiNATELY N0T WHAT MY FAM D0ES AT ALL. N0T EVEN CL0SE. EVERY PERS0N THAT i SEE THAT i D0NT LiKE i D0NT WANT T0 FiGHT. FiGHTiNG iSNT THE ANSWER. YEA iTS A TEMPR0RY S0LUTi0N BUT N0T MY S0LUTi0N. 0NLY FiGHTiNG i'M G0iN T0 D0 iS F0R MY LiFE. F0R THE PE0PLE i L0VE T0 STAY iN MY LiFE. && F0R THE THAT i L0VE. 0F C0URSE. iF S0METHiNG iS TRULY B0THERiNG ME. i'M G0iNG T0 LET iT G0 UNSAiD. i WiLL SPEAK UP && TALK T0 THAT PERS0N. CAUSE H0LDiNG iT iN. C0ULD HURT THEM, N0T JUST ME.

i'VE C0ME AL0NG WAY F0R A M0NTH. BUT 0F C0URSE THiS W0RK iSN'T D0NE. CAUSE LiFE iS W0RK. LiFE iS A W0RK iN PR0GRESS. NEVER ST0P W0RKiN WEATHER iTS A J0B. Y0UR G0ALS. L0ViNG S0ME0NE. TAKiN CARE 0F S0ME0NE.

MY HEART iS Y0URS.

Y0U & i. WE SPEND A NiGHT T0GETHER. LAYiN NEXT T0 EACH 0THER. WHEN i F0UND 0UT THAT Y0U WERE G0iNG T0 BE AT THE PARTY. i NEVER TH0UGHT AB0UT Y0U BEiNG iNTRESTED iN ME. i MEAN Y0U THE 0NE C0MiN 0VER T0 ME. WHEN THERE WAS S0ME0NE ELSE THERE. S0ME0NE THAT Y0U USE T0 HANG 0UT WiTH. S0ME0NE Y0U USE T0 TALK T0. S0ME0NE THAT i FELT WAS PRETTiER THAN i. BUT JUST WHEN i TH0UGHT THAT Y0U WERE G0iN T0 WALK 0VER T0 HER AND TALK T0 HER. Y0U CAME 0VER T0 ME. && WRAPPED Y0UR ARMS AR0UND ME. WHEN i WALKED AWAY AFTER D0iN S0METHiNG. Y0U S00N F0LL0WED. i KEPT W0NDERiNG WHY ME. AFTER EVERYTHiNG. i TH0UGHT THAT Y0U W0ULD... i D0NT KN0W. i GUESS. i NEVER REALLY REALiZED H0W MUCH Y0U TRULY D0 L0VE ME. BEiNG ABLE T0 SLEEP NEXT T0 Y0U AFTER THAT DRAMA FiLLED NiGHT AND M0RNiNG. HAVE Y0U WRAP Y0UR ARM AR0UND ME. HAViNG Y0U H0LD ME LiKE Y0U USE T0. THE DRAMA THE TEARS THAT SHED THAT NiGHT. THE HEADACHES THAT i HAD T0 DEAL WiTH. iT WAS ALL W0RTH iT BECAUSE 0F THE M0MENTS i SHARED WiTH Y0U. JUST LAYiNG NEXT T0 Y0U. i NEVER TH0UGH THAT i W0ULD EVER iN A MiLLi0N CHANCES BE LAYiNG NEXT T0 Y0U. Y0U HAViNG Y0UR ARM AR0UND ME. i GUESS WHAT i'M SAYiNG iS THAT i NEVER REAL ADMiTTED T0 MYSELF THAT EVEN TH0UGH Y0U D0NT SH0W iT 0R Y0U D0NT TELL ME. Y0U L0VE ME. N0 MATTER WHAT. i GUESS BUT i D0NT F0R SURE. iF Y0U L0VE ME AS MUCH AS i L0VE Y0U. THAT LiTTLE THiNGS REMiND ME 0F Y0U. i GET BUTTERFLiES WHEN Y0UR AR0UND ME. Y0U MAKE ALL MY PR0BLEMS G0 AWAY. Y0U MAKE ME A BETTER PERS0N. Y0U KN0W WHAT T0 SAY T0 BRiNG ME BACK D0WN T0 EARTH. i L0VE Y0U. && i CANT EVER LET Y0U G0...

N0 M0RE ALC0H0L

WHEN i G0 T0 A PARTY. i REALiZED THAT i D0NT HAVE T0 DRiNK T0 HAVE FUN. i D0NT HAVE T0 BE THE 0NE FALLiN 0N THE FL00R WiTH EVERY0NE ELSE T0 BE WiTH ALL THE FUN. i CAN HAVE JUST AS MUCH FUN WiTH EVERY0NE ELSE C0MPLETELY S0BER WHiLE THEY ARE THE 0NES THAT ARE FALLiN 0N THE FL00R LAUGHiN DRUNK ASS HELL. i CARE AB0UT MY FRiENDS. i D0NT CARE iF i'M THE 0NE THAT HAS T0 TAKE CARE 0F THEM CAUSE i'M THE 0NLY 0NE THAT'S S0BER. iT MAKE ME FEEL NEEDED. iT MAKES THE W0RLD G0 R0UND F0R ME. i KN0W iT MiGHT S0UND WEiRD C0MiNG FR0M ME SAYiN THAT i QUiT DRiNKiN F0R A L0NG TiME. BUT THAT'S BECAUSE YES i'VE HAD G00D EXPERiENCES DRiNKiNG. BUT WHEN i D0 DRiNK M0ST 0F THE TiME i USED iT AS A CRUTCH. i USED iT T0 ACT LiKE i WAS HAViNG FUN BUT i WAS REALLY USiNG iT T0 HiDE THiNGS i WANTED T0 SAY. i USED iT T0 HiD THE DEPRESSi0N i HAD. iF i HAD C0NTiUNED 0N THAT PATH i W0ULD BE AN ALC0H0LiC EVENTUALLY. THAT'S N0T WHERE i WANT T0 BE. THAT'S N0W WH0 i WANT T0 BE. THERE F0RE AT THE PARTY i MADE MY FiNAL DECiSi0N THAT EVERY0NE CAN PEER PRESSURE ME ALL THEY WANT T0 DRiNK. BUT iN THE BACK 0F MY MiND THAT i WiLL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT i D0NT NEED ALC0H0L AS MY CRUTCH T0 HAVE FUN 0R T0 HiDE MY DEPRESSi0N. CAUSE i HAVE S0 MANY 0THER 0UTLETS. i HAVE FRiENDS T0 BACK ME UP && WiPE AWAY MY TEARS. i CAN HAVE FUN LAUGHiN 0N THE FL00R WiTH MY DRUNK FRiENDS 0R LiSTENiN T0 THEN TRYiN T0 SAY S0METHiN T0 ME.&& MY LAST N0TE iS THAT WHEN PE0PLE DRiNK SHiT & DRAMA TENDS T0 ARiSE. & PE0PLE ACT DiFFERENTLY THEY D0NT ACT LiKE THEMSLEVES. THEY ACT LiKE THEiR SiNGLE EVEN iF THEY HAVE S0ME0NE ELSE. THEY D0NT HAVE C0NTR0L & i NEVER WANNA BE 0UT'VE C0NTR0L AGAiN.

N0 MATTER H0W L0NG S0ME0NE HAS BEEN G0NE FR0M Y0UR LiFE. N0 MATTER iF iTS BEEN DAYS, M0NTHS, 0R YEARS. THEY WiLL ALWAYS BE iN Y0UR HEART. WELL AT LEAST 0NLY THE PE0PLE THAT LEFT A MAJ0R iMPACT 0N Y0UR HEAD. HEART. & LiFE. THEY WiLL F0REVER HAVE A PLACE iN Y0UR HEART. N0 MATTER WHAT Y0U CAN GET THEM 0UT 0F Y0UR HEAD 0R HEART. THEY LEFT F00TPRiNTS 0N Y0UR HEART, TH0SE JUST CANN0T BE SWEEP AWAY.

A SHiP THAT'S SAiLED

PE0PLE C0ME AND G0 iN Y0UR LiFE. N0 0NE CAN C0NTR0L iT. 0NLY THiNG THAT CAN iS DESTiNY & FATE. TH0SE WH0 HAVE LEFT Y0UR LiFE ARE SHiPS THAT HAVE SAiLED, THEY HAVE SET SEA WiTH N0 iNTENT T0 RETURN. EVEN TH0UGH THEY HAVE LEFT, THEY HAVE LEFT AN iMPACT, 0KAY MAYBE N0T AN iMPACT. BUT THEY HAVE LEFT S0METHiNG 0N Y0UR LiFE. THEY MADE iS S0 WHEN Y0U REMEMBER THEM. Y0U WiLL REMEMBER THE HURT. THE PAiN. THE TiMES Y0U SHARED WiTH THEM. EVEN iF THEY DiDNT CAUSE Y0U HURT. THEY ARE 0UT'VE Y0UR LiFE. THEY WERE JUST iN Y0UR LiFE T0 BE A LiFE LESS0N. G00D 0R BAD, Y0U LEARNED FR0M iT & MADE iT Y0U STR0NGER. MADE Y0U REALiZED THAT THEY WERE N0THiNG T0 Y0U. THEY WERE JUST S0ME0NE THAT WAS THERE T0 PASS iN & 0UT'VE Y0UR LiFE.

P0SiTiViTY

0F C0URSE MY PAST HAS NEGiTiVE ASPECTS. & NEGiTiVE MEM0RiES. BUT i'M STARTiNG T0 REALiZE WHY L00K AT Y0UR PAST AS S0METHiNG BAD. Y0U SH0ULDN'T BECAUSE Y0UR PAST iS WHAT MADE Y0U. Y0UR THE 0NE THAT GREW FR0M Y0UR PAST. i W0ULDNT CHANGE ANY 0F MY CH0iCES, i W0ULDNT CHANGE A SiNGLE W0RD i SAiD. ALL TH0SE M0MENTS TiED iNT0 MY PAST. THE PERS0N THAT STANDS BEF0RE Y0U. THE PERS0N THAT SPEAKS BEF0RE Y0U. Y0UR FRiEND. Y0UR PAL. Y0UR L0VE. ETC.

Y0UR PAST iS WHAT MAKES Y0U. S0 D0NT L00K AT iT AS A DEATH SENTENCE 0R S0METHiNG H0RRiBLE. L00K AT THE P0SiTiVE M0MENTS THAT Y0U'VE HAD. CAUSE iF Y0U D0NT CHANCES ARE THAT Y0U ARE JUST G0iN T0 BRiNGS Y0URSELF & 0THERS D0WN.

THiS iS F0R ME

SO EVERYONE iS BLOGGiNG NOW. BUT iTS SOMETHiNG THAT i'VE ALWAYS DONE BUT NEVER KEPT UP WiTH. BUT i HAVE SO TO SAY. SO MANY NOTEBOOKS FiLLED WiTH THOUGHTS. i HAD ANOTHER BLOG ON HERE BUT iT JUST DiDNT FEEL RiGHT TO CONT WRiTTiNG ON THAT ONE. CAUSE THAT WAS MY PAST. THiS NEW BLOG iS A MARKiNG OF THE NEW ME. THE iMPROViNG ME. PEOPLE MAY OR MAY NOT READ THiS. BUT THiS iS MOSTLY FOR ME. CAUSE i HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY, AND THERE'S SO MANY EARS OPEN TO HEAR. SO i NEEDED A PLACE THAT i CAN BE ME, TALK TO ME, & HAVE MY THOUGHTS AND FEELiNGS WRiTTEN DOWN. THEREFORE THiS NEW BLOG iS A REFLECTiON OF THE NEW ME. THE FUTURE ME. THE ME iN THE WORKS. i CANNOT GO BACK TO WHERE i WAS OR WHO i USE TO BE. i CAN ONLY START FROM WHERE i WAS, WHERE i AM. && CONT WORKiNG TO MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON WiTH EACH WAKiN DAY. WiTH EACH BREATH i TAKE, & DECiSiON i MAKE.